28-year-old badmouths girlfriend to mom for her lack of enthusiasm while doing chores, she refuses to do his laundry in retaliation: ‘You’re not the domestic type'

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  • 01

    AITA for refusing to do my boyfriend's laundry after he told his mom I "don't do anything" around thee house?

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    So, I (26F) live with my boyfriend (28M). We've been together for 3 years, living together for 1. We both work full-time, but I also cook, clean, do
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    laundry, grocery shop, handle bills, take care of our cat. He'll sometimes take out the trash or wash a dish, but that's about it. I've brought it up before, and he says he'll "try to do more" but never really follows through.
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    Last weekend, we visited his parents for dinner. Out of nowhere, his mom says to me, "So, what do you actually do around the house? [Boyfriend's name] says you're not really the domestic type."
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    I literally just blinked at her. I laughed awkwardly and said, "Well, if by 'not domestic' you mean I do everything, then sure." She didn't even laugh. He looked embarrassed but didn't say a single word to defend me. On the way home I asked him what that was about and he said, "I just meant you don't really enjoy housework." Dude. WHO DOES???
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    5000000
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    I was mad. He apologized lightly and said it was just a joke. So I decided to take a little break... from his laundry. I stopped doing his clothes completely. Didn't say a word, just folded mine and left his in the basket.
  • 09
    A week passed. Then two. I could see his pile growing. Finally he asked, "Are you mad again or something? You haven't done my laundry." I just said, "I thought you said I don't do anything around the house, so I figured I'd live up to the label."
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    Now he's saying I'm being petty and immature, and even his mom texted me saying I should "let it go already."
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    I told her I'd be happy to let it go... right into the washing machine with the rest of his responsibilities. So... AITA?
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    sevenumbrellas You stopped doing ONE chore and he is calling you petty and immature and having his mom text you about it?
  • 13
    I'm torn between "you should dump his lazy a and "you should stop doing EVERYTHING for him." Cook for yourself. Grocery shop for one. Do your own dishes and let his rot in the sink.
  • 14
    NTA. And remember, this whole issue came up because your boyfriend badmouths you to his mother, and she thinks she has a say in your relationship. Do you really want her as a mother-in- law?
  • 15
    TropheyHorse If they're renting, she should look for her own place and, in the meantime, stop doing any chores for him. Stop cleaning up after him, stop cooking for him, just stop.
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    Then, when she has a place, she should take a sick day from work, pack everything up, and leave. Ghost that stupid mama's boy. If they own, it's a lot more difficult, but either way she needs to leave this man.
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    sarzarbarzar I am also torn between these two responses as well. He wants to make his mommy feel special by saying his girlfriend isn't as good as she is? Fine. Go back to your mommy.
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    Daisytru I agree 100%. OP needs to move on from this baby-man. She can do better!
  • 19
    EmotionalTrufflePig My (ex) husband said something similar to me once, that I never cleaned, because he worked long hours and I would clean when he was at work, but because he never SAW me doing it, he thought I didn't do it.
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    So I stopped cleaning and doing dishes. About three weeks later when we were ankle deep in hair/fur/dust bunnies, and there were tiny flies circling the mouldy dishes in the sink, he apologised and never mentioned it again.
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    Ichornet He is too immature for a relationship. Leave and let his mother do his laundry.
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    AndrysThorngage I can't get over the text from his mom. He told his mommy on her. That's nuts.
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    afirelullaby How embarrassing. And a sure fire way to give women a healthy dose of repulsion when they think of you. 'You are not looking after me the way you should, so my mommy is gunna text you and you will be sorry!' So much therapy needed to sort through his attachment issues.
  • 25
    berrywarrior I don't think I'll ever understand people who supposedly have full grown adults as partners, and their partners treat them like lower than dirt, but everyone ignores that because they treat them like that "sometimes" or "they're usually really sweet"
  • 26
    Intelligent_Sky8737 This would be break up worthy for me
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    Wing-4003 YTA to yourself re-read this part you wrote - 'We both work full- time, but I also cook, clean, do laundry, grocery shop, handle bills, take care of our cat.' you do ALL the work, he does...what exactly? oh right, trash talks you to his mom.
  • 28
    Ok Stable7501 I don't see an I'm sorry from him or his mom. I'm joking is just a way to avoid responsibility. But ESH because you're still cooking, cleaning, shopping, and paying the bills for this man child when you should be returning him to his mommy.

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